… isn’t really community at all.

We’ve been trying to get our neighborhood more involved in one another’s lives. One of the ways you can do that is to plan and host some events and invite people to get together and get to know one another. The quickest way to short circuit the process is to try to maintain control of the community that naturally begins to form.

At work, this afternoon we are supposed to have a company-wide “Bowling Extravaganza” basically to build community. I tend to resist this because it isn’t on my terms. The company tends to promote it because it IS on their terms. We like community on our own terms because it lets us control and manipulate. We resist this controlled community because we instinctively know that it isn’t real.

So my challenge is this: promoting community in the lives of people around me without trying to control how that happens. I can take advantage of the community that forms by giving and receiving from people within it, but I cannot try to shape it–I’ll always shape it wrong and I’ll be the owner. The whole of the community should be the owners… everyone should have a stake. And that doesn’t happen when one person drives or controls things.

So, community on my terms isn’t community. Open, honest community that is willing to serve, listen, and let all members contribute is bound to thrive.

Can’t wait to see it happen.

Yesterday, as a Father’s Day present, Rachel slept through the night. Andrea woke her up at 11:00 to feed her, fed her until 11:30 and then when I woke up this morning at 6:15, she was still asleep.

Blessed, blessed sleep.

We’re coming up on the 7 week mark, so this is certainly the earliest that any of our kids have slept through the night at all. We’ll see when it becomes a regular occurrence. The best part was that the last night she didn’t have a screaming fit at all. Most nights she screams for about 2 hours between 8 and midnight. The night before it was from 11:30 to 2 AM. Here’s to hoping that we have more nights like last night and less like the night before.

Woo hoo! Yeah for sleep!

Oh, my goodness. What a month it has been.

It really has flown by. She’s getting bigger and bigger every day. She is showing signs of an emerging routine, but she still wants to be held and swaddled. And she will not, under any circumstances, sleep in her bassinet without screaming for an hour and a half. She is, however, sleeping for 4-6 hours at a time most nights–mostly from 9pm to 3am

But she’s SUPER CUTE and sweet most of the time. She is very curious and very strong. She has been lifting her head up since we brought her home from the hospital and she has been looking at us more and more and spending more time awake. She is already so different from our other kids and I already can’t imagine our lives without her.

Happy 1st month of life, Rachel!

We’re still exhausted–maybe even more so than when we came home from the hospital, but

I got into a big discussion recently with my friend, Patrick.   He made me really think about the phrase our forefathers echoed in the Declaration of Independence, that we all have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

But, why?

What good is such a right?   I understand that happiness is something that we all desire.  It is not something that we often truly attain, but it is something that we will continue to seek.   Why is it listed in that list of items?   Why is the pursuit of happiness so highly prized?

I don’t believe that happiness is a worthwhile pursuit for anyone’s life.   I don’t mean for even an instant that I don’t want someone to be happy.   I do.   But I don’t think that it is a good goal.   There are many things that I think take precedence over seeking happiness.   Happiness is something that happens as you live your life, not something you pursue.

If happiness is what we all run after, then we should do everything in our power to allow for others to seek this happiness as well.   This breaks down on so many levels it isn’t even funny.   Are you or your spouse not happy in your marriage?  Get a divorce–it will ultimately make you happier, right?   Nobody has the right to oppose gay marriage if our goal is to pursue happiness–gay marriage would certainly make a large segment of the population happy.   No doctor  should give you advice to eat healthier… that inhibits your happiness.    Sure, you might die earlier, but you’ll be happy until then.   Our goal isn’t to live a long time, remember–it’s to be happy.

My wife would tell you that there are many decisions I’ve made for our family (with her input, of course) that were aimed squarely at the betterment of others and the cause of Christ.   Yes–this makes us happy in the long term because we believe those things to be some of the most important things in the world… but it is not at all our goal.  In fact, in the near term, many of these decisions have caused pain and distress in our family.

I want my children to grow up happy.   But more than that, I want them to know that happiness isn’t worthy of being a goal.   It’s too fleeting and too self-centered.   I want my family to be happy simply because of the fact that we have goals far beyond our own happiness and our own selves.   Do I always succeed at leading my family this way?   Absolutely not.    But I will continue to pursue those greater ends with everything I can muster.

This weekend we had lots of family time.   Swimming at the pool, walking around with the baby, watching movies, walking around with the baby, reading some “Chronicles of Narnia” to the kids, walking around.. um.. you get the point.  It was a good time for us.   We’ve gotten to bond as a family in a way that the busy-ness of life prevents.

One of the movies we watched was “E.T.”   Timothy has been really into aliens and other planets lately, so he was excited to see the movie.

I didn’t really grow up on E.T. so I don’t really remember much of it.  Andrea was a huge fan–I think she saw it in the theater when she was 2.   Crazy, eh?   Well, our kids saw it this weekend.  In case you don’t know, E.T. dies about 3/4 of the way through the movie.   My son cannot handle death of anything because he sees life as being so precious… my middle daughter has been fairly oblivious to this point, at least when watching movies.   Well, when E.T. died, the both lost it.   I had two crying kiddos in my lap, and they cried until he started glowing again.

My youngest daughter… the 3 week old… had a good cry too.  Several times.  There was more than one occasion where she wouldn’t nurse and fussed when being held, so we put her in her bassonette and let her cry.   On Saturday night I think she cried for 45 minutes without letting up.   We felt so awful, but kept thinking that any minute she would run out of energy and give up.   As soon as we picked her up, she stopped… and feel asleep on me.   Amazing the comfort of touch.

We’re starting to gear back up and step into the swing of life again since having Rachel.   I can’t believe she’s 3 weeks old today.   Here’s hoping we don’t gear up too fast, or too slow.   If we do, we might have some good cries to be had as well.

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